I was just reading something elsewhere on RSVPs. The person who wrote it was saying that the date she had set as the RSVP deadline for her son's birthday party was tomorrow, and thus far she only had one RSVP back (out of close to 20). Should she expect more tomorrow or the next day? Unfortunately, I responded to her no, probably not. Here's my story and why. (note: the numbers are approximate now as it's been long enough that I don't remember the exact ones, except the ones that were missing)
Last year, for L's 3rd birthday, I sent out invitations to close to 30 people. They were almost all family, a handful of friends, and ourselves. I'd learned from previous gatherings, both my own and others in the family, that simply saying "RSVP by this date" wouldn't cut it for a lot of people. They're lazy. So, I came up with "RSVP regrets only by this date." See how I did that? If you're NOT coming, let me know; otherwise, the assumption is you ARE coming. By the date I listed on the invitation, I had 22 people on the list to come party.
Not only was I preparing food and drink for everyone, but so were several of the family members. I specifically remember the husband's parents and his grandmother preparing loads of food. We needed food for 22 people, right? That can be a lot! The day of the party came and L was elated to have so many people come. I was glad for the RSVP so I knew how many people were coming! As the party wore on, I realized that there were only 15 people total. I kept waiting and waiting for the other 7 to show up - I mean, where the f* were they? They never said they weren't coming. By the end of the afternoon, it had become painfully clear to me that these 7 people weren't coming, hadn't bothered to let me know that, and we had a huge amount of extra food and activities because we had planned for these people to come and. they. didn't. Included in that total were two kids, for whom I had prepared goody bags as well. They didn't show up.
L had a great birthday party. It was a great time with the people who came. I am supremely thankful for those who did come to celebrate, as we all had a great time. However, I was upset, disappointed, and angry that the 7 who didn't come couldn't bother to let me know ahead of time. How ridiculous is that? I decided then that I would not be inviting them to any other parties we'd be having (RSVP or not!), and it was probably better for me to wean my contact from them on a more permanent basis. Prior to this, I'd been hoping for a better relationship - now, not so much.
So, this is what I told the lady asking about RSVPs - she's not going to get responses. If she wants responses, she'll have to contact each of those people individually and ask, which really defeats the purpose of sending out invitations prior to the party anyway. People have grown so lazy in our society that they can't extend a courtesy to their family and/or friends to let them know that they will or won't be able to attend a function. Frankly, if you send out something with a RSVP and people don't respond, I'd just not invite them anymore. Am I vindictive? Yes. Is that fair? To me, yes, probably not for most people. I just don't see the point in having relationships with people that can't treat me or my family members with respect and common courtesy.
If you want me to treat you well, you'd better damn well treat me that way.
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