We drove up to Phoenix today for a funeral. Not exactly the most auspicious of occasions to see family, but it is what it is. My mother-in-law's cousin D passed away from cancer. She was diagnosed at the end of August/beginning of September, and she passed on December 23rd. I can't imagine the crush of emotion her husband, daughters, mother, brother, and sister-in-law have felt during her illness, diagnosis, treatment, and now passing. Since my mother-in-law's Chinese side is fairly close, we went to celebrate her life.
The church was humongous. I kid you not - there were probably 200-300 people and we took up maybe 1/5 of the main room. There were so many gorgeous flower arrangements, her casket was quite nice too (I know, you don't think about these things much, do you? But I definitely noticed), and so many faces I recognized in the crowd. The service itself took about 1.5 hours and had its ups and downs, with both my husband and I shedding tears through quite a bit of it. I think both of us lost it when D's husband stood up and sang When I Fall In Love to her. How did he do it?!? I don't think I could have been able to perform for my spouse's funeral, let alone done the beautiful job that he did. It was incredibly touching, and I think most everyone in the room was crying at that point. D's daughters got up and talked about her life, and then her best friend recounted so many funny stories about her. Those were wonderful. The minister was...interesting. Not my cup of tea, but maybe that's because he and I are at polar opposite ends of what we believe regarding death. To summarize: he said welcome death, and I say no way Jose. I really liked the part in the middle where people were able to get up and say something personal about D for everyone to hear, and it really emphasized how kind, funny, hard-working, and wonderful she had been. At the end, we got to express our condolences to the family and that was...tough. Hugging the family was so bittersweet - on one hand, these are people I've come to love over the past 8 years of being in the family and am happy to see. On the other, I'm so sad for their loss, the pain they are feeling, and the heartache that must be accompanying them constantly. Nonetheless, I'm glad we went to be able to say goodbye to D one last time.
The girls were actually well behaved during the service. My mother-in-law insisted on taking them outside to play, entertained them, and I think let them be her buffer from sadness and grief. L was super interested in the casket, but then didn't want to go near it when they opened it at the end for people to pay their respects. E was indifferent, but I think that's just her age. I'm sure her thoughts were more like "oh, wow, big room! I should run run run!" However, they were getting cranky afterwards and, since it was pretty much nap time, we just drove home.
Rest in peace, D. You fought a hard battle and did the best you could, but sometimes these battles can't be won. I will always remember your kindness to me, the scarf you made me one Thanksgiving a few years ago, and how much your husband completely adored you. I wish your family peace as they adjust to life without you.
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