For once, I have a meal question that doesn't involve the girls!
Let's say you and your children are sitting down to dinner. Everything is ready for your spouse to join all of you when he arrives home. Soon after, spouse arrives home. After greeting everyone, he goes off and does his own thing. He doesn't join the family for dinner. When told that there is food ready for him (or would he like me to make him a plate?), he says thanks. When asked if he'd like to join the family for a full family meal, he says something like "I'm not hungry," "maybe in a bit," or even "I've got other stuff I want to do." While it doesn't bother the girls, it bothers the shit out of me.
Growing up, the one thing my family always did was have dinner together. If it meant waiting until Dad was home, so be it. I realize that I'm starting dinner a little early for the girls because they are super little and can't understand waiting for a meal much. However, I want the husband to join us when he gets home instead of doing other stuff! If he gets home later than dinner, the most insulting thing he does is ignore what I've left out for him and make himself something else. OUCH. I realize I'm not the greatest cook in the world, but really? I eat what he makes, why can't he afford the same courtesy? I really want to have dinner together! How do I convince him to do it?
What would you do if this was your spouse? This is a big deal to me, and I am willing to fight for this one (pick your battles, right?).
I feel the same way about family dinners, so I get why this means so much to you. Does your husband have time to unwind after work? J has a 30 min drive home, so that gives him time to transition to family time. Although we don't have dinner as soon as he gets home, I do expect him to be in dad-mode right away. I heard once that most people need 30-45 mins to transition their focus from work to home. I remember feeling kind of like that back when I worked (er, worked in an office that is).
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could find a compromise? Find out how much time Brian needs to "do his thing," (and maybe negotiate it between a time that would work for the girls, and still giving him some time). If I know dinner's going to be late, a glass of milk will hold T over for a bit, and keep him from getting too hungry. (Sometimes it backfires, if I serve it too close to dinner, and he barely eats, though.) Maybe you could add another small snack, timing it to when the new dinner time would be.
I know your girls have an early bed time, so that probably makes the timing of this really tricky.
As far as not eating what you cook. Yeah, sorry Brian, but she has every right to be offended by that. That's a big slap in the face.
(P.S. Hint for Brian: you can do what I KNOW my husband does sometimes, but won't say to my face: eat some of what's made, without saying a negative thing about it. Then fill up later on snacks... ice cream is his choice usually. :) )