Dearest E,

Dearest E,

There are so many things I wish you could understand right now so that you wouldn't cry at me when you do them (because you've been caught and Mommy has to tell you not to do that).  Let me start listing them for your future review:

1.  Your hair.  When I put your hair up in a ponytail or pigtails, please don't rip them out and then come back to me asking to put it back up.  I won't do it because you're just going to rip it out again.
2.  The dog door.  That is an entrance and exit for the dog, not you.
3.  DVDs.  DVDs are meant to be on the rack/shelf, not on the floor.  When you keep pulling them down, I will continue to make you put them back up, no matter how much you cry at me.  Maybe that will teach you (someday) not to bother them.
4.  Toilet paper.  No matter how much you unroll, you are not allowed to eat it.
5.  The stool in the kitchen.  It is meant to stay by the sink for hand washing, not be toted around the entire downstairs so that you can reach things.
6.  Diapers.  Diapers stay on your butt, not anywhere else.  Stop.  Taking.  Them.  Off.
7.  Hitting.  Do not hit anyone, including the pets.
8.  Saying "yes."  If you would just say the word YES now and then, you'd make everyone so happy.
9.  Your pacifier.  You're 19 months old, you don't need it anymore, so stop acting like it's a life-saving drug every time you manage to get ahold of it in your crib when it's not bedtime.  That thing is going bye-bye very soon.
10.  The dog.  She is a dog, not a horse.  Stop trying to ride her.
11.  Books.  Books are for reading, not tearing out the pages.
12.  Throwing things in the car.  Believe it or not, I'm not likely to unbuckle you from your car seat when you start doing that.  Wow, incredible, right?
13.  Sitting when watching cartoons.  Sit on your butt, on the mat, or else.
14.  Baby wipes.  Baby wipes are for your butt, not for playing.
15.  Pinching.  Pinch me or your sister one more time and I'm gonna spank you.  Seriously.

I love you much, but you've got to start following simple rules around the house.  When you don't, you get in trouble.  Don't cry about it because it's not going to change the rule!  Mommy is frustrated with you and needs you to listen.

Love, Mama

Ornery child...