Draining talks

At bedtime tonight, L wanted to talk endlessly about Japan.  She asked me about everyone there, what I did there when I was a kid, about visiting again, and even about what she'd do with my young cousin T when she sees him again.  While I'm thrilled that she remembers going there and meeting people, and that she wants to return someday, I wish that it didn't feel so painful for me to talk about.  She kept asking about my grandfather, who's been gone for a year now, and his passing just kept sticking daggers in my heart.  L was asking what her Great Obaasan was doing right now, and that just makes me infinitely sad because I know I probably won't see her again before she passes (she's 91).  I walked out of her bedroom pretty much in tears because I feel so helpless and sad at all that happens over there while I live out my life here.  Why can't it be easier to go there and see family?  Why can't we live closer together?  Why do I miss it more than where I grew up?  I know I told myself when I left there in March that I probably wouldn't be back again, and while I was sad at the time, I don't think it's really hit me until this summer how monumental that is.  I just wish there was a way to make L happy about visiting and me not so sad about missing family (if only there was infinite money, time, and a private jet, lol!).