It's the first day of May, and I was thinking about posting about how I'm going to try to do something for my abs everyday this month. It's a good goal, right? I went out for a run with the girls this morning and at mile 2, the phone rang (I use it as my timer). I just ignored it, because who would be calling me at 8am except for a telemarketer?!? Stupid telemarketers. When I finally stopped, I checked my phone and found a message from my dad asking me to call him as soon as possible. My first thought was: crap, someone got into a car accident. Wait, no, someone DIED. Hmm. So I called him back. He informs me that my grandmother (his mom) passed away in her sleep overnight. My aunt (his older sister) went to go check on her, since she lived nearby, and found her. She was 82.
There are SO many things I could say here. I guess I'll start with: I didn't get along with my grandmother. I never have. She was one of those people that would constantly stir the pot just to stir it, and always wanted the attention on her and everyone to feel sorry for her for god-knows-what. The last time I saw her was just after Thanksgiving 2006. I think my great-grandmother (her mother) had just passed away the previous spring, so we had gone to say hello (since I was in town) and she just went on and on and ON about how awful her life was and how people should do this and that for her. I decided at that time I would never, EVER see her again while she was still living. It caused a huge fight between me and my dad, but I put my foot down and said I wasn't willing to put up with someone so degrading and maddening for any reason. If I was going to have children in the future, I did not want them to know her or suffer because of her. Luckily, since I come back to Ohio so little, it was fine. I haven't seen her since then, my parents mention her very little to me, and my girls have never known her (and they know very little about her). Period. I can honestly say that my life has been easier since I gave up my grandmother.
Fast forward to today: Dad says she passed away in her sleep. Why is it that most people that suck get to go easy?!?? Why is it the good people suffer and have horrible endings compared to the awful people?!?? It's not FAIR. I realize life is not fair, but shouldn't death be? Shouldn't death reflect a little more on the kind of person you are? If you were a wonderful, loved person in life, you should be able to go easy, in your sleep, with no pain. If you were awful, to hell with you! Get thrown in front of a bus! It's really, REALLY unfair. So, they have to put together all the funeral details this afternoon and let me know what's going on. This is typical of my grandmother to get everything focused on herself too - this is the busiest time of year for me. I have a performance to attend Thursday night, my evaluation program runs all day Saturday, my class has a performance next Tuesday and a final next Thursday, and my husband potentially leaves next Wednesday (5/9) for a meeting on the East Coast. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE LIFE CRAZY FOR ME EVEN IN DEATH?!?!??!??? Dad asked me to come back if I could, but I imagine that since today is Tuesday, the funeral will be Saturday and I won't be able to go. However, if it's Sunday or Monday, maybe I could swing it. Ugh, expensive airline tickets (yes, I said ticketS, because I might potentially take the girls with me).
So, that's been my first morning in May. Grandma's gone, Dad's sad, and I'm being driven crazy by everything over there and the girls here. Maybe I'm just a cold fish, but I figured venting here was better than venting to someone in person that might take real offense. Mom says not to worry about anything, but guess what Mom? My family is important to me, even if I don't exactly get along with them. C'est la vie, right?
Grandma: born 3/26/1930 in WV
died 5/1/2012 in OH
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